Why Marrying Young ≠ Selling Your Soul

I’m 21 years old, and I am a wife. This tends to surprise people. Honestly, it surprises me too. All through high school and going into college, my plan was to graduate, see the world, get a grown-up job, and then get married. I figured I’d date a few people along the way, decide what kind of man I wanted to end up with, and eventually (somewhere in my mid to late twenties) the right guy would come along. That’s how my parents did it, and four kids and twenty-seven years later, it seems to have worked pretty well for them.

Of course, as so often happens to life plans, mine went out the window when Alec and I started dating. I never really expected the first guy to be the right guy. But he was. By that I do not mean he was the only person in the world I could be in a successful relationship with. Seriously people, we all need to jump off the “soul mate” bandwagon. Read a great article explaining why here. I do mean Alec was (and is) a smart, mature, God-fearing man who I happen to find attractive, funny, and interesting. He also loved me through two sleep-deprived years of 4:00 AM crew practices, regatta weekends, and more sweat and spandex than most men would even consider putting up with, but that's beside the point.

Though my friends and family all thought highly of Alec, some had their doubts when, after a year of serious dating, we got engaged and set a wedding date for the summer after we graduated from college. I remember one person in particular encouraging me to rethink things, saying I needed to “break it [our relationship] off for a while, date other people, and enjoy your young years.” I politely thanked him for his advice and said I had no intention of ending a relationship with someone I cared about and who fit me so perfectly.

Photo Credit: Christina Blanarovich, Zen Photography

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At the same time, I’d be lying if I said I never had any doubts. I didn’t doubt for a second that Alec and I worked well together, or that God was blessing our relationship. But I had always dreamed of post-college life the way our society paints it, as a glowing time of independence and, well, fun. I wanted to see the world! Live on the edge! Grow as an individual! [Insert cliché "find yourself" phrase of choice]! I most definitely did not want to settle down right away, have kids, or start a long-term career. And pretty much everyone I knew who married right out of college did one or all of those things.

Instead of running for the hills (the hills in this metaphor being single life), I made one of the best decisions of my life and talked about these fears with Alec. He is the responsible, step-by-step kind of person I won’t ever be, and his general life plan prior to meeting me didn’t involve anything out of the ordinary. Plenty of likeminded men would have shied away from attaching themselves to a spontaneous, adventure-seeking tomboy like me, but not Alec. By the time he gave me that ring, he knew he was signing on for more excitement than he’d originally planned. My dreams meant as much to him as they did to me, and he made it clear that I wouldn’t have to sacrifice them to marry him.

That isn’t to say I didn’t have to sacrifice anything; my aspiration to solo hike the Appalachian Trail is probably gone forever, and I’m pretty bummed about it. Honestly though, these so-called sacrifices feel more like collaborative improvements, both for me and for Alec. Case in point: after graduating college in three years, I wanted to spend the fourth doing something exciting and slightly irresponsible. Alec had been planning to go straight from undergrad to grad school in Belgium. When we shared those dreams with each other, Alec realized a year off of studying wouldn’t be such a bad thing, and I decided living in Belgium for a while could be pretty awesome.

Fast-forward to present. We are volunteering at Lakes Ranch (part horse ranch, part adventure camp, part events center) in New Zealand. We work hard taking care of camp and having fun with kids, and then on our days off we get to explore one of the most incredible places in the world. We’re doing all kinds of fun, crazy stuff, and while Alec is loving it, he admits it never would have been his idea. On the other hand, Alec is applying for fellowships to study in Belgium next year, and somewhere along the way I decided to go for my Masters as well, which I probably wouldn’t have done if my future philosophy professor of a husband weren’t going to put us back in a university setting for five years.

Photo Credit: Christina Blanarovich, Zen Photography

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As it turns out, marrying young was the best thing that ever happened to my inner adventurer. Living abroad with Alec, I get the best of both worlds—the thrill of globe-trotting and the security of my best friend to lean on, not to mention explore with, talk to, and laugh at (I mean with… laugh with). None of this is to say you can’t do these same kinds of things while you’re single, because you can. But to the concerned advice-giver I mentioned earlier, I would like to say I am fully enjoying my young years, and being married to Alec only makes it all the easier. 

So if you’re like I was, worried that getting married too soon will take the fun out of life and/or force you to give up your dreams, stop. Taken by itself, this is quite frankly a self-centered and narrow-minded reason to postpone marriage. Please, please, realize that the sacrifices marriage requires (as long as they are mutual) do not equal selling your soul. Consider the possibility that you can still enjoy your young years with someone else, and that in the process your dreams might grow to be more than you ever imagined they could be, not in spite of, but because of the fact that they aren’t just yours.



P.S. One last thing—if you also got married young and loved/are loving it, take a few minutes to leave your story in a comment below. I can't express how important it has been to have young couples who "went first" to look up to, and I'm sure you feel the same. This whole young-marriage-is-fun thing isn't as rare as people seem to think, and a lot of readers could benefit from hearing about your experiences along with mine! 

Living Abroad (Without Bags of $) Part 4: Hostel

If you're like most young Americans, the word "hostel" probably conjures up 1) images of sketchy rooms full of bunk beds, occupied by dozens of the near-homeless, or 2) a bunch of un-showered hippie backpackers sitting around a common room smoking weed.

While I can't promise there aren't hostels out there fitting those descriptions, I can guarantee that with a little research (seriously, just read some reviews on Trip Advisor or something) you can find pleasant, reputable hostels in/near just about any developed city. What's more, hostels can be more than just inexpensive accommodation; if you play your cards right, you can live there for free. Read on to find out what you need to know about long-term, affordable hostel stays.

A gorgeous hostel (centermost large building) in Ambleside, Lake District, UK.

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What are hostels actually like? 

This is a tricky question. Hostels really are a unique option in the world of travel accommodations. Perhaps what most sets them apart from regular hotels is the extent to which they are a shared space. You and the other guests don't just share the dining room during continental breakfast and the pool for an evening swim. You share everything short of your bed. So for those of you who have never experienced hostel life before, here's a brief description (and all hostels are different, so these are "more like guidelines than actual rules").

The Rooms: 

In terms of space, hostels can range from small house- to large hotel-size. They typically have a mix of "shared" and "private" rooms, as well as twin (often bunk) and double beds. As for the number of people in a shared room, this also ranges from approximately 4 to 12. In most cases, guests share one or more hall bathrooms, which can be single-gender or co-ed. 

The Amenities: 

In addition to guest rooms, most hostels also include at least one common room (with or without TV) and a community kitchen. Many offer complimentary hot drinks/breakfast (UK hostels throw in dinner as well!), and additional services such as airport pickups, wireless internet, or transportation to the city centre. The often-surprising thing is these services are typically either free of charge or really, really cheap.

The People: 

As far as who stays in hostels, the answer once again varies. Yes, backpackers are a given (in fact, here in New Zealand, hostels are simply called "Backpackers"). But you'll also find couples, families, and older folks. Across the board, hostel-dwellers (and staff!) tend to be a kind, respectful, fun-loving bunch. Let's just say you're more likely to make friends in a hostel than in a hotel. In fact, I met my husband in a hostel... next question?

What are the pros and cons of hosteling? 

Like I explained in a recent article on hospitality jobs, pros and cons are subjective. So let's just say if the cons list sounds appealing to you, you should definitely try out the hostel life.

The Pros:

- Hostels are really inexpensive compared to just about any form of lodging other than pitching a tent. Prices vary, but you're probably looking at anywhere from $20-$50 USD per night. Plus the free food.

- Most hostels are ideally located in or near cities (so transportation won't be a worry), and they are all over the place, so if you have several destinations in mind, "hostel-hopping" is a perfectly valid option. 

- Again, the community atmosphere in hostels really is a very special thing. You will meet other young, adventurous people from all over the world, which can be a huge plus if you're traveling alone. 

The Cons:

- There isn't much privacy in hostels, even if you have a private room. So if you're the introverted type, either steer clear or plan on spending a lot of time taking walks or curled up with headphones and a book. 

- It's not the Ritz-Carlton. Staff typically keep the place nice and clean, but make no mistake – this is minimalist lodging. If you compare it to a hotel, you will probably be disappointed.

- No two hostels are the same, meaning what you get at one might be completely different from the next. Plus you always hear horror stories about bed bugs and serial killers.

Another beautiful hostel, this one a 10-minute walk from Bath, UK. 

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What's that you were saying about free hosteling?

Right, right, the "free" part. Here's the lowdown. Many hostels rely on volunteer staff to run the place. Thus why they are so inexpensive. Who are these volunteers, you ask? Often young travelers like us, who trade a few days of hostel management (cleaning, greeting new guests, serving food, etc.) per week for free lodging. Again, finding hostels with programs like this just requires some basic research. Look up hostels in your destination(s) of choice, shoot an email to their contact person, and ask if you can trade labor for lodging.  

Picture yourself with nothing but your suitcase/backpack to your name, sleeping on a bunk in a room with a few random strangers. You live off of cheap groceries that you cook yourself in the community kitchen. A couple days a week are spent scrubbing toilets, refilling the coffee, and pointing lost people in the right direction. In exchange, the rest of the week is yours to roam around, see the sights, even work other odd jobs, without having to worry about lodging expenses. After a month or so, you move on to the next hostel in the next city, wash, rinse, repeat.

If that picture sounds good to you, why not try the hostel life for a while? It's living (sort of) on the edge, but hey, that's why you read through this whole article in the first place. 

Living Abroad (Without Bags of $) Part 3: Volunteer

Volunteering might sound like a dumb option to include in a list of ways to live overseas without breaking the bank. "I don't have any money," you say? "I can't just volunteer." Well, maybe you can and you just don't know it yet.

A lot of non-profits exist around the world, and it seems like more pop up every day. These organizations run on very little funding, and typically rely on help from volunteers to function. If this kind of work appeals to you, read on to find out the basics of volunteering abroad.

Why would I volunteer?

This is probably the easiest question to answer, um, ever. As ironic as it sounds, the rewards of a volunteer position are seemingly unending. You may not get paid, but you will have the opportunity to:

Go anywhere, do anything.

You can volunteer pretty much anywhere in the world, including a lot of places that aren't quick to hand out work and/or tourist visas. And given the varied nature of NPOs, you can find a job that suits your needs in terms of structure. Sign up for a program that will get your plane ticket and visa for you, pick you up from the airport, and organize your entire trip for you, or find an organization that accepts "walk-on" volunteers and just let them know you want to come and when. 

Hitting the beach with some fellow volunteers at Campamento Cresta del Mar in Panama.

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Make amazing friends.

If you volunteer at a non-profit or a similar organization, you will make great friends, guaranteed. Why? Because they, like you, are volunteering of their own free will. No one is only there for the money, meaning everyone is there solely because they want to be. There aren't many jobs out there that can boast the same. 

Spend next to nothing.

Depending on the position, you can spend just about no money while volunteering abroad long-term (over 3 months). Practically every NPO will cover your food and lodging, and some will pay for travel expenses as well. Meaning sightseeing and souvenirs are all you need to budget for.

Note: Some NPOs, particularly those run by Christian or other religious groups, will ask you to raise your own support. Although this takes time and effort, in the long run it often allows for more freedom than simply relying on the organization for all funds. For any of you interested in mission/outreach work, this is the perfect opportunity for you to get some experience "on the ground" with seasoned missionaries.  

Do something that matters.

Volunteering is potentially the most rewarding job out there. Unlike better-paid hospitality positions, your day-to-day work will be deeply meaningful (and hopefully a lot of fun!). So if you want your time abroad to be about more than just "finding yourself" and "experiencing the world," if you want to impact the lives of others in a real, tangible way, go for a volunteer position. You might just find you will find yourself and experience the world in the process. 

"Working" with some Panamanian schoolchildren on a short-term volunteer trip to Cresta del Mar.

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How do I volunteer?

If you think volunteering might be for you, the next step is to explore the options and find one that fits. There really isn't any rhyme or reason to this, so just pull out all the plugs and see what happens. Use the internet, talk to friends who've done this kind of thing before, ask your church/place of worship if they could connect you with any missionaries they support, etc. 

Again, narrowing your search is key, so try to form a vague idea of what you want to do and/or where you want to go. If you want to have some spending money once you get there, it's also a good idea to start setting some aside now, you know, while you're still making money. 

This whole process might sound scarily unstructured and difficult, but trust me, it's a lot easier to convince a non-profit to let you help them for free than to find a paid job overseas. So no more excuses. If reading through this post stirred up a longing inside of you to give of your time and energy in service of the less fortunate, stop longing and get going. Like right now.

P.S. - Check back soon for Part 4: Hostel-Hop!

Living Abroad (Without Bags of $) Part 2: Work in Hospitality

For recent graduates who want to get out of America for a while, or for current students looking to travel and not study abroad over the summer, hospitality jobs are a great option. You can go anywhere tourists go, live where they live, and get paid for it. Don't fool yourself into thinking the work itself will be glamorous. In all honesty, it's hard and often unpleasant, but as I wrote in the introduction to this series, these live-abroad options are for those of us who can't afford luxury travel. So here is what you need to know about getting a job in hospitality.

What is a "hospitality" job?

In this context, hospitality essentially refers to paid positions at luxury hotels, lodges, and resorts, where tourists who have a lot more money than you go for vacation. These jobs include housekeeping, valet and porter services, desk clerking, waiting and bar-tending, even massage therapy. Basically anything to do with serving guests. Typically, no prior experience is required, though for more specialized positions (like that massage therapy option) you will need training and/or certification. 

My first hospitality job - working in the Colter Bay Grocery Store in Grand Teton National Park

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What are the pros and cons of working in hospitality?

Hospitality work definitely isn't for everyone. It can be tough, unrewarding, and sometimes downright unpleasant. But there are a lot of upsides, not the least of which is the chance to travel to some amazing destinations on a tight budget. Pros and cons typically depend on who you ask, but here's the gist:

The Pros:

- Location location location. If you're working at a luxury resort/lodge/hotel, you will be in one of the most beautiful places on earth. 

- It's easy on the wallet. Not only do you avoid draining your savings; you actually make money. Food and lodging are typically included in your contract, so you'll probably make at/around the equivalent of minimum wage. And some of the more specialized positions make a good bit more. 

- There'll be no shortage of entertainment. Again, you're working in a tourist center, so you'll have all kinds of exciting activities to take advantage of during your days off. More importantly, a lot of these activities will be discounted or FREE for employees. 'Nuff said. 

- You'll meet some great people. Possibly the best thing about a job like this is you will make a lot of other young, adventurous, motivated friends from all over the world. 

The Cons:

- It ain't pretty. In all honesty, hospitality jobs can be kind of rough. Chances are you won't feel like you're on the fast track to success when you're scrubbing toilets or busing tables for hours on end. Even if you have one of the more desirable positions, you'll have to deal with tourists day-in and day-out. 

- It's not much money. Like I said above, the wages aren't usually super high for these kinds of jobs. You may feel way over-qualified for your position (and you probably will be), and wish you'd stayed home, done that internship, and applied to grad school after all. 

- Cabin fever. A lot of these vacation spots are pretty isolated. Unless you can find wheels or befriend someone with a car, it's pretty easy to get stuck. So make sure you pick the right place, and get used to the idea of not being quite as connected with the outside world.

- You'll meet some not-so-great people. No workplace is perfect, and luxury resorts are no exception. You may have to work alongside some pretty unpleasant characters, and there won't be much you can do about it short of buying a plane ticket home.

Camping with new friends in the shadow of the Teton range on one of our days off. 

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How do I apply for a position in hospitality?

If the pros listed above outweigh the cons for you, awesome. Next step: getting a job. First, you have to decide where you want to work. Without a specific country, or at least region, in mind, you'll have way too many options to wade through. So if you like hiking, look for mountain lodges. If you like the beach, search through beach resorts. You get the idea. Once you have a general idea of where you want to go, you basically have two options:

A) Find a cultural exchange program that works in your region of choice. 

These essentially match young internationals with companies looking to hire seasonal workers. For instance, if you wanted to work in Australia, you would Google "Australia cultural exchange" and apply to a program that suits your needs. They would then place you in a specific job in a specific location. The pros: security, as your exchange program will typically assist you with travel preparations, and resume-building, as certain program names may look good on paper. The cons: cost, since you will typically have to pay a stiff program fee, and rigidity, since you are often assigned to a particular position rather than selecting your job of choice. If you've never done anything like this before, and/or you want to play it safe, go with this option.

B) Apply directly to a resort in the area you want to work. 

This might take a bit more research, and your options may be more limited, since some only hire through programs like the ones outlined above. But if you're the do-it-yourself type, this will be the more fulfilling route to take, and you can pat yourself on the back for not wasting money on an unnecessary middle-man program. The pros: no program fees, and complete control over which positions you apply for. The cons: fewer options overall, less help in terms of travel preparations and less on-the-ground support. If you've done a lot of travel, held down a job like this before, and/or are a bit of a risk-taker, this is the option for you.

P.S. - Check back soon for Part 3: Volunteer